Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
