Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
