My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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