It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
