I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
