You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
