I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
