From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
