Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
