You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
