actually, I'm a sock model
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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