I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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