then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He felt like a one man threesome
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
