sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
