perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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