Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
