Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
