thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't turn off my feet"
Randomize
