I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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