if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
