i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
