And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My dick has a subreddit
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dick very happy bro
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
