the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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