Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
