they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
