so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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