I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
