im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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