I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
