walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
