You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize