they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
