Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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