Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
