I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
