Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize