I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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