you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
