Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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