Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
