when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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