My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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