How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
