Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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