We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
