The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
