i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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