Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
