I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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