I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
