i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
