By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
