Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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