yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
