shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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