SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
