Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
