Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
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I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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