Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
