You work out of a Hotel?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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