So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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