she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
