I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
