I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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