i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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