is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
