even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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