Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
