Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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