i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
