Too much gin, very little bucket
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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