I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
