Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
