he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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