if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
